In a breakthrough discovery akin to realizing your parachute is just a fancy backpack, security researchers uncovered that FreePBX phone systems have been operating with all the protection of a post-it note in a hurricane. Apparently, the system was so open to vulnerabilities that hackers were starting to feel bad for it and leaving flowers instead of ransomware.

These flaws, numbering more than your average toddler’s excuses, included a charming SQL injection flaw, a heartwarming file-upload issue, and an AUTHTYPE bypass bug so friendly it was practically holding the door open for intruders. When confronted with the news, FreePBX developers responded with a collective, ‘Oopsie daisy!’ before promptly releasing a patch that they assure us wasn’t whipped up using duct tape and wishful thinking.

In a stunning twist, the vulnerabilities were discovered not by troubled users, but by Horizon3.ai, who chose to report these issues rather than taking up daytime soap opera writing. Their message was clear: Fix your code, or at least rename your software to ‘FreeForAllPBX.’ Project maintainers were reportedly last seen diving into a sea of bug reports, armed only with coffee and hope.