In an exhilarating game of ‘Who Left the Front Door Open?’, Fortinet, Ivanti, and SAP have released urgent patches that make duct tape and WD-40 look like top-tier security solutions. Their systems, apparently as porous as a colander, offered cybercriminals a red carpet into the heart of client data.

Fortinet’s self-esteem took a hit when it discovered its ‘rock-solid’ security was more like a sandcastle at high tide. The company’s FortiOS, FortiWeb, FortiProxy, and FortiSwitchManager were vulnerable enough to allow hackers access with less effort than it takes to remember your Wi-Fi password.

In a surprising twist, not to be outdone in the race of ‘Who Can Be Less Secure?’, Ivanti and SAP joined the marathon of mediocrity, announcing their own vulnerabilities like proud parents at a school recital. Ivanti’s authentication bypass and SAP’s code execution flaws were celebrated by hackers worldwide, who have reportedly formed a fan club in their honor.