In a daring plot twist, Google has announced that adopting the Rust programming language for Android has made its memory safety issues as rare as an honest politician at a campaign rally. Yes, the tech giant, previously plagued with more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese, is now boasting about dropping below the 20% vulnerability mark with all the subtlety of a peacock on a caffeine high.

Rust, the programming language that sounds like it could also be a symptom of tetanus, is heralded as the savior of Android’s often questionable security. The language has taken Android’s codebase from a ‘C’ student to the top of its class, marking a historic low for memory safety vulnerabilities. Meanwhile, C and C++ are left sulking in the corner, nursing their wounds alongside a decade’s worth of unpatched issues.

Experts predict that continuing this trend might lead Android to a world where security is so robust, you’ll feel safer banking from your phone than at the vault of Fort Knox. However, Google warns that while Rust could be the golden ticket, users should still refrain from clicking that email link promising the full inheritance of a Nigerian prince. Remember, no amount of coding can fix human gullibility.