In a gallant effort to rescue users from their own magnificent incompetence, Apple has unveiled a security layer in macOS that essentially babysits administrative tasks with the dedication of a helicopter parent monitoring a toddler near a busy street. Because nothing screams ‘cutting-edge technology’ like intercepting your self-sabotaging habits before hackers can even break a sweat.

Picture this: a creative director fiddles with the latest collaboration app, granted the charm of a TSA pre-check as it slides effortlessly past loose security checks. Despite macOS’s best intentions, the app secures microphone and camera access quicker than an online influencer can yell ‘like and subscribe’. It’s almost like the security system’s motto is ‘If you can’t beat them, just try to slow them down’.

Meanwhile, across the office, another Mac is busy hosting a file-sharing disco via the antiquated SMB version one protocol. It’s speedy alright—speedy enough to share your files and your social security number on the dark web-verse before you finish your morning espresso. But fear not, macOS is here, not to fix it, but to make you feel marginally less terrible about it.