In a heartfelt move that left countless developers clutching their keyboards, companies are finally abandoning static secrets in favor of managed identities. After all, nothing says ‘innovative’ quite like realizing that 1995’s best security practices may have a few flaws. But don’t worry, the transition was as smooth as your uncle’s dial-up internet connection.

Enterprises have reported a surge in productivity—primarily from IT departments not having to reset passwords every time someone takes a vacation. It’s truly amazing what can be accomplished when workloads can finally stop pretending they’re working at a top-secret spy agency with those mysteriously outdated static API keys.

Of course, let’s not forget the real heroes in this tale: legacy systems. These stubborn relics from the past continue to tug at our heartstrings, steadfast in their refusal to move anywhere faster than a Commodore 64 booting up. In today’s fast-paced digital world, it’s comforting to know that some things never change.