In a groundbreaking revelation, researchers have unveiled a cunning malware campaign that’s so innovative, it could easily star in its own heist movie. Forget XMRig and the usual suspects, this masterpiece of digital villainy targets Docker environments and uses fake heartbeat signals to mine cryptocurrency. Who knew cardiac health and cryptojacking would one day share the same sentence?

This malicious marvel, uncovered by the keen minds at Darktrace and Cado Security, runs rings around traditional miners by tapping into the most overlooked of bodily functions—the humble heartbeat. In a world where you can pay with your face, why not earn with a healthy fake pulse? The malware lets its victims believe they’re fostering a Teneo Web3 node, but instead, they’re unwittingly donating their compute resources to the cryptographic cause.

In an ironic twist, this operation signals a move from the straightforward daylight robbery of XMRig and its ilk. Instead, it opts for something more avant-garde, proving once again that criminals, unlike fashion, never run out of creativity. One can only marvel at how this malware manages to bypass security measures by taking a page from the overworked tech employee playbook: fake it till you make it.