In an unprecedented feat of confusion and chaos, cybercriminals worldwide collectively mistook Microsoft Teams for a thriving social network. ‘We thought it was like Facebook for offices,’ confessed one hacker, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, ‘turns out, it’s mostly just meeting invites and complaints about the coffee machine.’

Meanwhile, in the realm of multi-factor authentication (MFA), hackers have shown their disdain for two-step logins by hijacking actual phone numbers. ‘Why settle for passwords when you can charm customer service into gifting you phone numbers?’ quipped one master hacker, while juggling burner phones like a circus act.

As the digital scene continues to unfold like a season finale of a mediocre thriller series, one can only watch in awe as $2 billion goes missing in a crypto heist that the authorities are now labeling as ‘a shelter for all the world’s invisible coins.’

In the grand tradition of major tech companies doing their best impersonation of a startled deer, Apple is now examining whether Siri has been spilling secrets at cocktail parties. ‘Every time a new iOS update rolls out, we sit here like those conspiracy theorist meme guys,’ confessed an unnamed Apple spokesman.