In a groundbreaking revelation, Oracle has announced the urgent release of a patch for a vulnerability so critical, it apparently took the entire cybersecurity community by delightful surprise. The vulnerability, dubbed CVE-2025-61882 for that extra flair of geek mystique, has been exploited in recent Cl0p data theft attacks. Oracle, however, claims they were merely testing the resilience of their customers’ patience.

“This was all part of our plan,” an Oracle spokesperson stated while crossing their fingers behind their back. “We wanted to see how our trusted users would react to an unauthenticated attacker having playtime with their sensitive data. It was a social experiment, really!”

Undoubtedly, the CVSS score of 9.8 adds a dramatic twist to this riveting saga. Industry experts suggest that it stands for ‘Couldn’t Verify Security Signal’—a standard that Oracle seems to have been following diligently. In the meantime, Oracle customers have been advised to keep calm and carry on configuring patches as a new national sport.