In an unprecedented twist of irony, the U.K. Police force has inadvertently become a top contender in the cryptocurrency world, much to the bewilderment of actual crypto traders. Their recent heist—err, raid—yielded £5.5 billion in Bitcoin, a haul so massive it officially puts them in the running for ‘Most Surprised Crypto Whales 2023’.

With this newfound wealth, the police are reportedly considering pivoting from law enforcement to running an elite crypto hedge fund. ‘We’ve always been good at following money trails,’ stated a police spokesperson, ‘but we never anticipated we’d follow one that leads to financial Nirvana.’

Meanwhile, actual crypto investors could only watch in dismay as law enforcement rocketed past them on the crypto Rich List, proving once and for all that the only thing more volatile than Bitcoin is police budgets.