In a groundbreaking advancement that threatens to leave traditional cybersecurity in the dust, cybercriminals have ingeniously combined .JSE, PowerShell, Agent Tesla, and XLoader into a mega-complicated cocktail of confusion. At this point, even the malware seems unsure whether it’s a threat or a trendy new startup aiming for IPO.

“We realized that if you simply over-engineer the attack, analysts spend the entire day Googling what each component does,” said our source, who prefers to remain anonymous, mainly because they don’t understand the attack either. “It’s like a digital escape room. By the time they figure it out, we’ve already cashed out and we’re sipping piña coladas in some offshore data center.”

Meanwhile, traditional sandboxes are reportedly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, mumbling something about “just not being paid enough for this nonsense.” Security experts are considering switching careers to professional ghost hunters, where things are straightforward and only one entity wants to kill you at a time.