In a groundbreaking achievement that nobody asked for, researchers have uncovered MalTerminal, the first malware channeling the charm of a large language model while stealing your data. Forget hackers, now you have a digital bard holding your files ransom, complete with haiku demands for Bitcoin payments.

Presented at the illustrious LABScon 2025, the world’s premier gathering for pretending we’re safe online, experts explained how this malware crafts ransomware with the finesse of Shakespeare composing a grocery list. It doesn’t just encrypt your files—it adds poetic flair to the threats, making the extortion almost feel like a compliment.

According to SentinelOne’s SentinelLABS research team, MalTerminal represents the pinnacle of cyber art—combining reverse shells with conversational abilities. It’s the malware equivalent of ordering a gourmet meal through a fast-food drive-thru: unexpected, confusing, and leaving you questioning your life choices.