In an unanticipated twist, the notorious Salt Typhoon hacking group, recently linked to breaching over 600 organizations, has reportedly turned its attention to a critical internal issue: the outrageously slow office Wi-Fi. Despite their notorious reputation for penetrating highly-secured networks, it turns out a simple router from 2012 was their ultimate nemesis.

According to insiders, the group held an emergency meeting where they spent three hours buffering a TED talk on ‘Effective Time Management.’ Sources say the hackers were shocked to discover just how painful it could be to operate at such glacial internet speeds, stating, ‘How do they expect us to conquer the cyber world when we can’t even stream a cat video in HD?’

In a public statement issued via Morse code (since their email server crashed, naturally), Salt Typhoon announced they would be taking a sabbatical from international espionage to focus on what truly matters: upgrading their router and ensuring they can game online without lag. It seems even cybercriminal syndicates need to ‘turn it off and on again’ sometimes.