In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one who understands the phrase ‘don’t steal and tell,’ a 20-year-old aspiring supervillain has been webbed in by the justice system. Noah Michael Urban, a member of the whimsical hacker troupe ‘Scattered Spider,’ found himself caught in a legal web after a series of SIM-swapping shenanigans worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon.

Urban’s adventures, which reportedly netted him millions in cryptocurrencies, also succeeded in earning him a blockbusting ten-year sequel in a federal penitentiary. For his blockbuster performance in the genre of ‘Identity Theft and Wire Fraud,’ he had to pony up a restitution fee of $13 million, or as it’s known in the crypto world, a modest Tuesday night heist. In the world of digital tricksters, it’s like being given a life sentence with zero retweets.

As Urban settles into his new role as the prison’s lead hacker (of call logs and dinner menus), the world is reminded that in the realm of cybercrime, the house always wins. Shockingly, it turns out that when you swap out laws for lucrative crypto-grabs, the long arm of justice isn’t as immutable as Bitcoin’s blockchain.