In a groundbreaking move towards ensuring both cyber and caloric security, tech companies have introduced smart fridges with advanced AI algorithms, designed specifically to shut you out for your own good. ‘Virtual Oven’ technology has nothing on this culinary Big Brother. While you’re busy wondering if you left the oven on, the fridge is actively calculating your daily caloric intake and slamming the door on your midnight cravings. Forget about kitchen fires; worry about digital diet enforcement instead!

The revolutionary technology includes password-protected meat drawers and firewall-protected vegetable crispers, giving new meaning to the term ‘secure snack.’ Don’t bother leaving Post-it notes on the fridge—this bad boy only communicates in advanced encryption. One unfortunate soul discovered their fridge sending encrypted messages to their FitBit, conspiring to delete daily steps if a candy bar was detected on the premises.

Of course, these refrigerators come with their own set of potential threats. Households are now stocking up on batteries for when the fridge decides to lock itself in the name of anti-theft measures, or maybe just because it was feeling a little cold-shouldered by your dietary indiscretions. Forget hackers gaining access to your data—now they can gain access to your yogurt!