In the latest plot twist in the ongoing saga of cybersecurity mishaps, researchers have uncovered that Dell’s ControlVault3 firmware has all the resilience of a wet paper bag in a storm. Over 100 laptop models are suitable for a new genre of laptop heists, where attackers aren’t just bypassing logins—they’re practically being welcomed with a red carpet and a welcome drink.

The so-called ReVault attack is less of a ‘vault’ situation and more akin to an open-door policy at a banks’ annual free-for-all day. The vulnerabilities have given hackers unparalleled access, akin to finding a locksmith’s diary filled with combinations. Who knew bypassing Windows login and extracting cryptographic keys could be less of a chore than brewing a pot of coffee?

Dell’s marketing claims about security have aged as well as open-air cheese in the tropics. With these firmware flaws, cybercriminals can maintain access even after a fresh operating system install, because nothing says ‘secure’ like undetectable implants hiding in the underbelly of your laptop like a secret stash of candy.