In a move that has stunned the digital world, hackers have decided to drop the pretense and go full corporate. Forget the usual hiding antics; these cyber maestros are now pitching themselves as bona fide members of your IT department. Why waste time sneaking around when you can just hand over a business card and a LinkedIn invite?

With malware now adopting the attitudes and attire of your favorite tech bro, it seems our cyber overlords have traded in their hoodies for blazers. They’re hosting morning stand-ups, deploying JIRA boards, and even requesting feedback on their latest ransomware notes. Yes, the future is here, and it wears slacks.

Meanwhile, encryption backdoors have become the new dim sum in this banquet of exploits; they’re so ubiquitous you can hardly pop open a browser without one falling into your lap. It’s clear: the lines between malicious intent and corporate synergy have never been blurrier. Stay tuned for your next phishing scam, now available in PowerPoint format!