In a shocking turn of events, it seems telecommunications companies in Southeast Asia have found themselves the unsuspecting hosts of an exclusive new offering: covert malware installation brought to you by none other than CL-STA-0969, the premier state-sponsored threat actor of 2024.

For a full ten months, CL-STA-0969, demonstrating the kind of persistence that most people struggle to maintain at the gym, has been installing their signature malware with all the subtlety of a raccoon in a garbage can. With attacks carefully orchestrated to target critical telecommunications infrastructure, they’ve managed to surprise even the most skeptical IT professionals, who were just starting to think their network security was impenetrable.

Of course, there have been incidents – reportedly not unlike homeowners discovering an infestation of termites, except these ones have the backing of a nation-state. But fear not! Telecom organizations are promising to learn from their mistakes and are already brainstorming ideas like ‘turning it off and on again’ to combat future breaches.