In a groundbreaking revelation this week, cybersecurity experts confessed that our digital safety is mostly an elaborate game of ‘hide the vulnerability’. Like a magician with a suspiciously full hat, IT departments have been waving patches around, hoping no one notices the gaping security flaws peering out from under the brim.

Apparently, the real secret to survival in the cyber wilderness is not technological wizardry but possessing the reflexes of a caffeinated squirrel. IT professionals are now advised to practice their keyboard shortcuts while sprinting on a treadmill—because when the breaches come, they won’t wait for you to log in.

Meanwhile, the NFC Fraud Olympics have seen an uptick in creative flair, with hackers perfecting their ‘tap and scam’ routines. Judges are scoring on technical difficulty and performance art, with bonus points awarded for leaving victims blissfully unaware until their bank accounts are emptier than a cryptography textbook in a teenager’s study group.