In a shocking revelation that definitely doesn’t surprise anyone who’s ever read a tech news headline, Taiwan’s National Security Bureau (NSB) has issued a dire warning about the sinister nature of apps like TikTok, Weibo, and RedNote. Apparently, these apps are voraciously gobbling up data with the same enthusiasm your aunt has for forwarding chain emails.

The NSB, together with the Ministry of Justice Investigation Bureau, declared these apps a veritable buffet for China’s data-hungry overlords. ‘Why, it’s almost as if these apps were designed to collect every morsel of your digital existence!’ said no one surprised in the history of tech alerts.

Officials are now urging the public to reconsider sharing sensitive information on these platforms and possibly to refrain from giving TikTok their Netflix password and their plans for world domination. Because while China might not care about your cat videos, they’re definitely interested in that 20-page rant about government surveillance you penned at 3 a.m. on Weibo.