In a plot twist that could give James Bond villains a run for their cryptocurrencies, the new Speagle malware has partnered with the unwitting Cobra DocGuard to bring you the latest in digital espionage chic. Who would have thought that an eagle and a cobra could team up outside of Animal Planet? Clearly, the cybercriminal underworld is just as creative with their cross-species alliances as they are with their malevolent code.

Disguised as the lovechild of your average antivirus software and a curious private investigator, Speagle is surreptitiously claiming your data with all the smoothness of a Bond theme song. It’s like Ocean’s Eleven but with more servers and fewer attractive actors. Watch as your sensitive information takes a one-way trip to a compromised Cobra DocGuard server, a feat that cybersecurity experts warn is more worrying than that time you gave your computer to your grandmother.

The genius behind Speagle’s strategy is its audacity to masquerade the exfiltration process as legitimate data tasks, perhaps leaving you pondering, ‘Is my data being stolen or just reorganized?’ Meanwhile, the malware developers are likely sitting in a smoky room somewhere, laughing maniacally and toasting to their success with champagne poured into USB-shaped flutes. After all, nothing screams ‘well-adjusted’ like defrauding people with a pretend partnership between virtual wildlife.