In a groundbreaking decision that is surely driven purely by altruism and not at all by profit motives, Meta has announced that it will be rescinding its support for end-to-end encryption in Instagram chats, effective May 2026. Facing increasing pressure to ensure that messages between friends can be monitored by advertisers, the social media behemoth said, ‘Why let you have private conversations when we can help facilitate your targeted ads?’

Meta assures users that they’ll be able to download their private chats before they’re exposed to the world. ‘Just like that mysterious uncle who knows way too much about what you’re up to, your Instagram chats will soon be accessible to a broader audience,’ a spokesperson said, likely from a technologically elaborate recording studio room observed through a one-way mirror.

Critics point out that this move may erode user trust, to which Meta replied, ‘Trust? We have a 2-step process to earn that back: Step 1 – We accidentally lose it. Step 2 – We forget to win it back. It’s been our strategy since day one, and look how far we’ve come!’