In a startling revelation, the cyber insurance world has decided that the key to understanding your company’s cyber health now lies in something called ‘Identity Cyber Scores.’ You know, because focusing on actual cybersecurity measures like firewalls and encryption was just too mainstream. Instead, let’s zero in on whether your employees are changing their passwords as often as they change their socks—or in some cases, their underwear!

Gone are the days of basic two-factor authentication. Now, insurance policies will require you to submit a serum sample from your network’s most privileged user’s second cousin’s cat. Yes, because only a feline DNA strand can truly complement the privileged access management for a secure environment. Compliance? Never heard of it. But if you’ve got DNA-on-demand, you’re golden!

And finally, the pièce de résistance: multi-factor authentication is getting a facelift too. Forget those gimmicky text codes. Prepare for facial recognition that verifies not just your face but also the face of your smart fridge to ensure it truly is you accessing your sensitive data. It’s the insurance equivalent of saying, ‘Show me your poor IoT device hygiene, and I’ll show you a premium increase.’