In a staggering feat of digital defiance, a DDoS attack reaching 7.3 Tbps briefly turned the internet into a scene from a cyber disaster movie. While the hosting provider remains unnamed, conspiracy theorists suggest it might have been a ploy by disgruntled dial-up enthusiasts. Too bad they couldn’t phone in for comment.

Cloudflare, everyone’s favorite bouncer at the internet’s most exclusive club, announced their victory with an air of casual exhaustion. ‘Another day, another digital apocalypse thwarted,’ remarked a spokesperson while updating their LinkedIn status to ‘Cyber Gladiator.’

With critical internet infrastructure increasingly looking like a bull’s-eye at a dart tournament, one must wonder if hosting providers are feeling the heat. Rumor has it they’re considering renaming themselves the ‘DDoS Attack Receptionists Club.’ After all, who needs uptime when you have an epic story to tell at the next cybersecurity convention?