In a gripping turn of cyber events, digital sleuths have discovered that most network traffic threats are now cleverly disguised as employees who forget their passwords every Monday. This paradigm shift has left company Security Operations Centers (SOCs) staring blankly at their screens, pondering if they should just unplug the whole network and start using carrier pigeons instead.

With hackers mimicking the baffling day-to-day behaviors of inept users, SOCs are frantically flipping through their cybersecurity manuals, desperately searching for the chapter on differentiating between genuine user incompetence and malicious cyber threats. However, hope is bleak as most manuals only cover unplugging routers and pleading with the nearest IT wizard.

Meanwhile, edge device and VPN gateway breaches have skyrocketed alarmingly, a statistic that seems to be directly proportional to the number of employees pretending to understand the difference between IPv4 and IPv6. Experts recommend hiring a psychic to weed out these threats, since traditional EDR solutions are about as useless as a floppy disk at a Bitcoin mining farm.