In an unprecedented display of technological fetch-and-carry, more than 1,000 small office and home office devices have been recruited into the most unsophisticated yet surprisingly effective espionage campaign since the dog ate homework. This operation, adorably code-named ‘LapDogs,’ is proving once and for all that man’s best friend is now also a hacker’s best accomplice.

Security experts are marveling at the audacity of the Chinese-nexus hacking groups, whose technical prowess seems to hinge largely on whether or not they can remember their Wi-Fi passwords. The so-called Operational Relay Box (ORB) network appears less like a slick covert operation and more like a bad episode of ‘Paw & Order: Cyber Crime Unit.’

While some might call this a national security concern, others are questioning whether it’s more of a national embarrassment — after all, who knew we should be afraid of our routers turning against us like disgruntled IT interns? One security expert commented, ‘It’s not that they’re barking up the wrong tree, it’s that they’re barking up every single tree in the neighborhood simultaneously.’